Episode 03: Chaos in the Country Part 1
Divorce & Psychosis
In this episode, Marnie shares her personal story focusing on her childhood, the tumultuous environment of her parent’s relationship, & the effects it had on her mental health. Marnie also opens up about her mother's struggle with psychosis and the difficulties they both endured. Despite the hardships, Marnie emphasizes the importance of seeking help and finding support in order to overcome adversity.
“I wanted to shed light on my experience with Schizophrenia because I spent so much time & important years of my life putting up a front and hiding it’s haunting impact on my family and myself.”
I wrote the below after speaking out for the first time on SickBoy Podcast. Back in 2012, when all of this was happening, there were things I wish I saw or did then. Which now in hindsight, seem so easy to spot, but we’re not at all at the time. I would like to point out what I have learned from my experience that may help another child or person that is dealing with Schizophrenia in their family.
Things I wish I knew then:
That it is okay to be scared of schizophrenia.
That there are several different forms of it.
That it is okay to not understand it.
That there may be cycles of signs from lows and manic that confuse the situation.
That you will not know the answers.
Most importantly, I wish I knew it was okay to talk about it. No matter how big the stigma, and no matter how terrifying your situation can be.
I say this because if I was more aware of this disease, my family history, the stressors that caused the impact, etc.. then maybe I could have accepted it sooner and been able to seek the appropriate help and treatment as soon as I started seeing the signs.
Suggestions I recommend for anyone going through a similar situation:
Keep a Journal.
One of my biggest regrets will always be not writing everything down. It would have helped me in proving detailed evidence to the police and mental health providers. It would have helped my memory that represses a lot of the painful things that happened. It would have helped me in realizing how bad things had gotten seeing it all written down (and probably would have made me a best seller book). The more you can address your situation, the more you can accept what it happening in your world. And this makes you a lot more comfortable in being able to talk about it and seek help.
Be Aware.
You have to be aware of several things including #1 Your Surroundings. There were many times I would find myself following her in places I wasn’t comfortable or sitting in the passenger seat as she’s behind the wheel going frantic. she would say things about ending my father and then weapons started to appear in my home. None of that was not okay. Whenever I realized the danger I was in, I tried to stop it. It can be hard to sense your safety when you’re so far down this road, my case was extreme so the horror became normalized. Anytime you notice being in strange surroundings walk away from them. #2 Pay Attention to Their Behaviour. Spot the signs and changes in the affected persons personality and actions. If you pay close attention to them early on you may be able to spot the breaks and talk to them about their unusual behaviour so they know they are not acting as usual. By acknowledging the strange behaviour you may be able to get enough family support to seek help or therapy. There are many forms of schizophrenia so if you notice they are being irrational, or having delusions, hearing voices etc. Write it down. The drastic mood changes from manic to lows can be quite frequent so try to keep track and always call the authorities if you think it can be addressed. In my case I was not in a region that could help me but this may not be the same for you.
Do your Research.
Learn about the symptoms of psychosis and schizophrenia. Understanding the condition can help you recognize signs more effectively. Consulting a healthcare professional is very beneficial to get a better understanding of the realities of your situation. Encourage your parent to see a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist or psychologist, for a proper evaluation. If your parent is unwilling to seek help, consider consulting a mental health provider yourself for guidance on how to proceed. Look for support groups or online communities (like this one) for family members of individuals with psychosis or schizophrenia. Connecting with others who are going through similar experiences can provide valuable support and resources. If your parent's behavior poses a risk to themselves or others, don't hesitate to seek immediate help from emergency services or mental health crisis hotlines.
Don’t Let It Drain You.
Dealing with a schizophrenic is extremely draining. It can lead you to suffer in several ways due to the traumatizing events and parenting of a paranoid schiz. It would have destroyed me if I didn’t seek distraction in other outlets of my life (School, rugby, friends, partying). I kept reminding myself that it is the illness talking, not her and that she loves me so much. It breaks you down emotionally and mentally, but you have to become adaptive and patient. It is never easy to do, and it can take a toll on your own mental health. You have to remember the things they are telling you are not real and they do not mean them, no matter how convincing and real those feelings are to them. They may not remember the things they’ve done or said, but never go along with any of it even if it’s easier for you at the time, because that only adds fuel to the fire for Schizophrenia.
Find Amazing People & Remove the Toxic Ones
It is so incredibly important to surround yourself with people that support you and make your life better. Without the amazing friends in my life, I do not know where I would be. You don’t have to face this alone, no matter how lonely and helpless you may feel. You need people that can take the bad parts of the day away, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Laughing is therapeutic and helps ease the tough times. Try to smile, while every day can be messy you can survive this struggle. It is also equally important to break away from anyone that makes you feel worse about yourself during this time. A bad friend or shitty partner can seriously play a role in breaking your mental capacity. Cut any ties to people that add any paranoia, stress or mistrust to fuck with your mind. It is not worth your time. Be independent from people that bring you down.
Talk To Someone.
I myself did not do this for a very long time. This was due to several reasons, one being that I would be punished by her for doing so, to the point where I truly believed there was no escape. For years I never told my father or sister, and leaving wasn’t an option because of fear of what might happen. I was so wrong. You can leave and you can tell someone. Especially if your life is at risk. There were times that I knew if she thought I was doing these things to her instead of my dad, she could have easily killed me. I was the only thing she had left so I believed she would not take my life. I also thought leaving may put her over the edge and feared she would do something terrible to herself, I would not have been able to live with that either. I should have told someone sooner about our situation, no matter how scary the consequences may seem to you, it is the right thing to do.
Stay Positive.
This is one of the toughest pieces of advice because it is so hard to pull yourself out of this negative thing that you have no control over. This disease can take over your life if you do not do things that help soothe your soul and calm your mind. Try to remove yourself from the situation, don’t let this component of your life engulf you. During this stressful period you are also suffering and even though you are focusing on the loved ones mental health you also have to look out for your own. Whether that’s going to the gym, listening to music, yoga, sports, painting, pottery, anything.
Always Stand Up for Yourself.
No matter how scared you are, try not to let the thoughts and delusions manipulate you, your life, and the truth. Never give in to the stories and never agree with their thoughts that aren’t real. It is okay to be confused, to feel guilty and hopeless, but you have to be a force of reason for them. Clarity is hard to find as a child because your parents are supposed to provide this knowledge and education. This is why its important to constantly teach yourself how to mend from the pain, and keep your mental health strong by challenging the stress and staying active, educated, and free.
Things Can / Will Get Better.
This is the last one. I never thought I would get passed this. I thought I would be destroyed forever over this. The light at the end of the tunnel does not exist because for us it is not over. But since I have grown up I have healed my wounds and I have survived this battle. It changed me but it also made me stronger and better. In fact my life today has never been so free. Treatment may be something that my mother never receives, but it might not be like that for others. Since I’ve been open about mental health, others have shared their experiences with Schiz. I’ve only met a few and they have all had medication to help their loved one, but it showed me that there is recovery for some people. I hope to one day say that for my mom.
I hope this advice can be somewhat helpful to any other kid or person that has seen these signs and dealt with this disease.
Thank you for listening to my story!
Marnie
